Fly, a FenrisxF Hawke Onesot
by Day Dreamer 62
Summary: After the death of her mother, Hawke is the shell of the woman she used to be. Unwilling and unable to accept comfort from her friends, they all resort to the last person Hawke wants to see.


**DD 62: I am a HUGE fan of Dragon Age and absolutely love the pairing of Fenris and F!Hawke from Dragon Age 2. This oneshot takes place after the death of Hawke's mother and after Hawke has romanced Fenris. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Age or any other games from the franchise. I have a copy of Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2 and have a lot of the downloadable content. I am also a devoted fan.**

~xXxXx~

It was dark by the time Hawke returned to the Amell estate. The sounds of the two dwarves and elven maiden greeted her as she entered. Orana's quiet greeting was ignored as Hawke trudged upstairs to her chambers. She paused at the top of the staircase and stared at the closed door to her left. She lingered a moment longer before continuing on her way. Knives, her faithful mabari, watched his mistress as she entered their shared room. She gave him a passing glance and proceeded to change out of her bloodied robes into her house robes. She threw the dirty clothes to the side for Orana to deal with later. Once she was finished, she climbed into her bed and settled in for a good night's rest. The chances of her actually getting any sleep without being hounded by nightmares were slim to none but as she had been going off of little to no sleep these last few days, her body began to shut down and embrace the bitter sweet sleep. No doubt Hawke would be greeted by yet another demon when she entered the Fade in her dreams tonight tempting her with the promise of bringing back everything she lost. It was extremely hard to resist but Hawke knew she had to be strong for her group of misfits. With that last thought, Hawke drifted into a fitful sleep.

Downstairs the three servants worked in silence. Not a word had passed between them since their mistress's arrival home. Every now and then Orana sent a glance to the second floor hoping to see Hawke coming down to eat. She knew that it was foolish but she sincerely wished to offer the mage comfort and understanding. She was too shy and nervous to do so.

"Should I take some food to the mistress?"

"If you'd like to, by all means." The older dwarf replied. He glanced up at the girl. "I think it would be best if we gave Lady Hawke some space."

"It's been several weeks since...since Lady Amell passed. Mistress Hawke hardly eats, sleeps, or talks anymore. She's gone from morning to night doing Maker knows what. I'm worried about her." Orana wiped the tears that had begun to descend down her cheeks. She was a sensitive soul and cared deeply for the woman who had saved her life.

"We're all worried about her, aren't we Sandal?"

"I miss the pretty mage's smile." The dwarven boy was referring to the kind smile Hawke seemed to reserve only for him. She hardly smiled or even looked at the boy now.

"Why haven't her friends done anything?"

"I'm sure they're doing everything in their power to help Lady Hawke. " Bodhan patted the girl on the back reassuringly. "Don't worry my dear, everything will be alright."

~xXxXx~

Varric looked around his now crowded room at the Hanged Man. Every one of Hawke's companions had gathered there at his request and each were surprisingly somber. Blondie was silent for once and Sebastian seemed deep in thought and not in prayer. Aveline sat between the two with a worried look decorating her normally fierce face. Isabela sat with her arm wrapped comfortingly around the shoulders of Merrill. The elven woman sat quietly beside Varric and looked close to tears. The only ones missing were Hawke and the other, more broody elf.

"Anyone know where the elf is?"

"I stopped by Hightown to get him on my way here but he wasn't home." Aveline explained.

"It figures he would be the one to miss this." Anders murmured.

"Alright, alright! We all know why we're here."

"Hawke." The group chorused together.

Varric nodded. "She hasn't been the same since...the incident with her mother. If she keeps up like this, there's no way I'm going to get more fodder for my stories."

Aveline shot the dwarf a disapproving look. "She never acted like this when Bethany died in Fereldan or when she sent Carver with the Grey Wardens."

"Perhaps she just needs to get away from her estate for a while. Maybe she could come stay with one of us. I'd love to have her stay over at my place." Merrill piped up.

"A nice idea kitten, but I don't think it'll work. She's out of her mansion almost all day and she's still all mopey." Isabela squeezed Merrill's shoulder apologetically. "I say we bring her here and get her blind drunk, maybe get her to sleep with someone."

"We're talking about helping Hawke here, not you. So shut up whore."

"As much as I enjoy you two fighting, we need to focus. What are we gonna do to get Hawke out of this funk?"

The room went silent with contemplation. After a few minutes, Anders groaned and placed his face in his hands defeated.

"Get the elf to help her."

"Me? I've tried everything I-"

"Not you Merrill, I'm talking about the other one. Think about it. Fenris is the closest one to Hawke. Maybe he can reason with her."

"Reason with Hawke about what?" A deep baritone voice asked from the doorway. They all turned to see Fenris walk in the room and set himself down by Varric. "I apologize for my tardiness. There was something I had to take care of."

"What could be so important that you had to attend to it first rather than come here and help us think of a way to help Hawke?!" The blonde mage roared. A hint of Vengeance could be seen in his eyes.

"Calm down Blondie, your mage is showing."

Anders glared at the beardless dwarf but settled down. He mumbled angrily to himself; something about damned dwarves and elves. The rest of the group ignored him as Varric filled in the tattooed warrior. Fenris silently listened never showing any emotion. As Varric finished, he stood from his seat and began walking to the door.

"Where do you think you're going?" Aveline demanded. Out of all of them, she was the one who had known Hawke the longest so she was privy to certain *ahem* private affairs. She knew what had happened between the mage and elf.

He didn't spare the group a glance as he spoke. "I'm going to go see Hawke."

~xXxXx~

Hawke was awoken by a loud banging on the front door. She groaned and rolled over to bury her face into her pillow. Bodhan was quick to answer the door less it upset his mistress. He stared up at the menacing elf. He recognized him as one of Hawke's many companions.

"Can I help you serah?"

"I need to see Hawke." He roughly replied. The elf glanced into the house behind him. "Is she home?"

"I'm sorry Master elf but Lady Hawke went to bed a few hours ago; I doubt she would want to be disturbed."

Fenris groaned in frustration. He should've known better than to charge here without a plan. By the way the dwarf had described the situation, it seemed quite dire and urgent that he help her in any way. Of course, the probability of Hawke wanting to see him was slim. They hadn't talked much since the night he ran out on her. What else was he supposed to do? Everything had been moving so fast and it didn't help that he had flashes of his past while they had spent the night together. Hawke rarely spoke to him after that and also hardly took him out on jobs with her. Fenris would be lying if he said it didn't bother him. Whenever Varric came over to play Wicked Grace and spun his tales of the day's adventures, the elf felt his anxiety rise. He knew Hawke could handle herself in battle but he still worried.

"Bodhan? Is there someone here to see me?" The two men looked to the stairs as Hawke's empty voice carried down to them. She stood still when she spotted the elf. "Good evening Fenris. What brings you here?"

"Varric sent me."

"That dwarf can't keep his nose out of my business." She mumbled to herself. Hawke straightened up and plastered a fake smile on her face. "Well, come on in! Can I offer you any refreshments?"

It was strange to have Hawke treat his like just another house guest. Did she really not have any more feelings for him? Or was she simply pushing everyone away because she feared that something would happen to them like what happened to her mother? Fenris took a deep breath then slowly released it. He stared Hawke straight in the eyes. Her normally happy and teasing gleam was absent, replaced with a dull shimmer.

"Hawke, we need to talk."

"What about? Has a job come up that you need help with?" Hawke glanced to Bodhan and motioned for him to go back to whatever he was doing before the elf had arrived. "Come into the library and we'll talk."

Hawke descended the stairs and took an immediate right into her massive library. If there was one thing Hawke loved, it was reading. She had been amazed at the sheer number of books in the estate when she had first moved in with...with her mother. Just the thought of the woman who had bore her and raised her with so much love made her heart clench in guilt and pain. Hawke did her best to ignore these feelings as Fenris came into the room after her. He shifted uncomfortably in the big room. As Fenris was just grasping the basics of reading and writing, Hawke's massive collection of books intimidated him more than the woman who stood before him. Hawke was intimidating by nature but the fact that she had control over the arcane arts made him uneasy. Magic had never done anything but caused harm to him during his time in the Imperium.

"So, what is you wanted to discuss?"

"It has come to my attention that you've been...off for a time now."

Hawke tilted her head to the side. "I've been off? Off of what: my rocker? I can assure you Fenris, I'm not insane."

Hawke's lame attempt to make light of the situation was so unlike her. Sure, she took every opportunity to poke fun at anything and everything but this was so different. The fact that she was trying so hard to get a laugh from the stoic elf worried him. He gave her a meaningful look.

"You know what I'm talking about Hawke."

"I'm afraid I don't Fenris. As far as I can tell, I'm perfectly fine."

Fenris gritted his teeth. "That's just it Hawke; you're _not _fine. You say you are but everyone can tell you're lying. Talk to me."

"About what Fenris? How I'm feeling? I already told you, _I'm fine!_"

The air surged with the tiniest trace of mana. Hawke usually wasn't easy to anger but Fenris guessed the fact that everyone pestering her to talk was starting to annoy her. An annoyed Hawke was an angry Hawke and Fenris had seen what happens when you make mages angry. He took a tentative step back. Hawke noticed this and closed her eyes to compose herself. After all these years of hiding her magical power you'd think she would learn to control her temper. Just one slip up and the Templars would be busting down her door and dragging her off to the Circle.

"What is this really about Fenris?"

"You Hawke. It's not good to keep your emotions bottled up and to push the people who care about you away when all they want to do is help."

Hawke gave a humorless laugh. "Like when I wanted to help you that night Fenris?"

"That is _not _what I'm here to discuss."

"Really? Then explain to me why you're just suddenly interested in talking to me about my feelings."

Fenris groaned. This woman could be next to impossible to talk to when she's ticked off. Hawke knew how to hold a grudge that was for sure. He decided to try a different angle.

"Everyone is worried about you. The dwarf said-"

"Varric only hangs around me to get fodder for his stories. I doubt he actually considers me as a friend."

"That's not true and you know it."

"Oh, do I? Last I checked, I was the main heroine in his stories. I can't even sneeze without him putting a spin on it. Something along the lines of 'And Hawke sneezed fire from her mouth and fried an entire band of thieves'."

"The abomination-"

"_Anders _only sees me as a person he can use to his advantage in aiding the plight of mages."

"The blood mage-"

"_Merrill_," Hawke corrected with a sharp glance,"saw me as an opportunity to leave her clan and to pursue her mad dissent into chaos."

"Isabela-"

"Needed my help in fighting off a man dead set on killing her. The only reason she sticks around is to tease me at every turn."

"Sebastian-"

"Was a scared little boy who needed someone to take care of his problems."

Fenris was struggling to get her to understand. True, she probably had a point in her statements, but all of her companions really did care for her. They had all changed after teaming up with Hawke. She was just too wrapped up in her own problems right now to notice.

"What about Aveline?"

Hawke sighed at that name. "We started off as a way to survive the Blight, but she's the only one who actually considers me a friend."

"What about me?"

"_You?_" Fenris flinched at the venom in her tone. "You just wanted someone to take care of your old master for you while you hid away. You just took my feelings and stomped all over them and left me in the dust."

"I never intended-"

"ENOUGH!" Hawke's voice boomed around the room. There was fire in her eyes as she glared at Fenris. "I think it's time you left Fenris."

"Hawke, I-"

"I said you should leave."

Fenris reached out to grab her arm. "If you would just-"

"_DON'T TOUCH ME!_"

Fenris felt himself being lifted up and thrown away from the mage. He hit the wall across from Hawke hard. He hissed in pain as he slid to the floor. His eyes stared at Hawke in shock. Did she just use magic against him? Did she really hate him so much as to use the one thing he hated most to get him to leave? Had Hawke reacted this fiercely to the others? He picked himself up and stood perfectly still as he continued to stare at the woman in front of him. She was breathing hard and her eyes looked frenzied. Her hands were shaking as she realized what she had just done. Hawke turned her back on the elf.

"Leave Fenris before I lose my temper again."

"Hawke…"

"Please," Fenris had never heard Hawke sound so broken, "I don't want to hurt you again."

How could he leave her now? She was a complete mess. His steps were silent as he approached her. Hesitantly, his arms came up and wrapped around her shoulders. Hawke tensed at the contact. Slowly her body relaxed and she leaned against him for support. She felt tears sting her eyes and fought bitterly against them. She didn't want to cry in front of the man she cared so much for. Hawke kept her face down so Fenris couldn't see her struggle.

"It's okay to feel sad and angry Hawke, just don't keep it bottled up. Let it all out."

She sniffed at his kind words. "I don't have time to be sad and angry. Kirkwall needs me."

"Kirkwall can survive for a little while without its hero from the shadows." Fenris reassured her. "Just let your friends, let _me _help you."

"I-I…" Hawke choked out. She swallowed around the lump in her throat. "I don't want to be a burden…"

"You're not. You're far from it." Fenris reached up and ran his fingers through her dark hair. "Just let it all out."

It felt like a flood gate had been opened. Hawke's body shook as she sobbed into her hands trying to muffle the sound. Tears poured down her face with an urgency to get loose. She heard Fenris croon softly to her, telling her that everything would be alright. She was starting to believe him.

~xXxXx~

Fenris watched as Hawke's chest rose and fell. She had cried herself to sleep in his arms and he had carried her back to her room. She seemed to be sleeping soundly without a hint of nightmares tormenting her. He felt relieved at that. Once he was sure she would not awaken, he slipped from the room and made his way to the door. He heard Knives, Hawke's faithfully mabari, whine after him. Fenris ignored him and continued on his way.

"Are you leaving her again?" A voice called out to him.

Fenris spun around and saw the elven maiden that Hawke had graciously offered employment to. She stood with her shoulders straight and looked him dead in the eye. When he had visited before, the poor girl wouldn't have dared to look at him like that. She had grown confident after spending so much time in Hawke's care. He could tell that she cared deeply for Hawke and her wellbeing. He felt uncomfortable under her intense gaze. He shifted from foot to foot.

"It's better this way."

"Is it? I've been trying for weeks to get the mistress to open up to me but she kept pushing me away. With you, she finally looks to be recovering. What will she think when she wakes tomorrow and discovers that you've left her alone once more?"

"That is none of your concern."

"If you make my mistress cry again it will be."

That threw Fenris for a loop. Hawke had cried when he left that night? "What do you propose then?"

"Stay here for the night and be there for her when she wakes." Orana stated.

Fenris hesitated at her proposal. Would that be the right thing to do? Wait for her to wake up and be there in case she needs him again? His heart told him Orana was right but his brain kept screaming for him to run as fast and as far away from this place as he could. The thought of Hawke being in even worse shape than she already was because of his selfishness made him sick. He knew he had to stay, for Hawke.

Fenris nodded to the girl. "Very well, I will stay."

~xXxXx~

Sunlight slipped through the crack in the curtains and spilled across the floor stopping short of the foot of Hawke's bed. The mage stirred in her sleep slightly aware that it was morning and soon she would have to get up and face the world again. She lazily opened her eyes and scanned the room. Hawke's heart skipped a beat when her eyes landed on the form of a sleeping Fenris. At some point the man had brought a chair into the room and had apparently fallen asleep sitting there watching her. Hawke felt touched that he would stay with her through the night.

Hawke swung her legs over the side of her bed as quietly as possible and stood. Grabbing an extra blanket from her closet, she tip toed over to the sleeping elf and placed the blanket over him. He shifted in his sleep but did not awaken. A smile tugged at Hawke's lips; Fenris was so damn cute when he was asleep. Hawke motioned to Knives and the two left the room and the slumbering elf behind. An amazing smell wafted through the air and drew Hawke to the kitchens. She felt a pang of guilt at the surprised looks given to her from her servants. It was true that she had not ate much in the past few weeks and did her best to avoid talking to the others that resided here. Hawke gave the three a pleasant smile before walking towards Orana. The little elven girl looked at her with delight.

"Good morning mistress! Did you sleep well?"

"Better than I have in days." She gave the other female a sheepish smile. 'Do you mind making me a big breakfast? I'm so hungry I could eat an entire horde of darkspawn."

"I would be happy to mistress!"

Orana scurried around the room to gather all the supplies she needed. Hawke watched her for a moment before turning her attention towards the two dwarves. Bodhan had his back turned to her and was talking in quiet tones to his adoptive son. Sandal had his usual goofy smile on his face which seemed to grow the longer he stared at her. Hawke had to admit she had missed the strange boy's company. She felt another pang of guilt at the worry she had caused them. Knives stared up at his owner and lightly licked her hand. Hawke absent mindedly petted her faithful companion on the head.

"Bodhan," Hawke called out, "have any letters arrived this morning?"

"None yet serah. Do you want me to bring them to you if any do arrive?"

She shook her head. "No, place them on my desk. I feel as if a lazy day is in order. Maybe I'll go visit Merrill in the alienage later or something."

True, taking a lazy day was unlike Hawke but it was a sure sign that she was finally facing her feelings and problems head on. She wouldn't recover completely in one day but it was a start. Hawke slipped from the kitchen and ascended the stairs. She paused like she always did at her mother's door. Hawke took a deep breath then approached the door. Her heart clenched in sorrow as she stared intently at the wooden door in front of her. She placed a shaking hand on the door and leaned her head against it. Hawke knew this was going to make her feel better but she was having difficulties finding words.

"Hello Mother, it's me. I'm sure you've been watching over me and you've seen what a mess I am right now." She chuckled at the thought of her mother scowling at her for being so down in the dumps. "I'm sorry; about everything. I couldn't save Bethany from that ogre, I couldn't stop the taint from spreading in Carver, and I couldn't protect you from an insane mage." Hawke felt fresh tears sting her eyes but pushed on. "I'm a horrible excuse for a daughter but even after all of that, I came out stronger than ever. You and Father always taught us that we should draw strength from our circumstances. I'm done with my moping. It's time I started acting like the grown woman I am. After all," she smiled at the sweet memory her next words summoned up, "a hawk wasn't meant to be stuck on the ground; a hawk was meant to fly."

~xXxXx~

**DD 62: Sorry to disappoint you but there will be no flashback! I apologize if this ended differently than you were expecting. Honestly, I've been working on this oneshot since last semester and have just now finished it up. I had a lot of fun writing it though! As always, reviews are welcome and appreciated! Until next we meet!**


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